Welcome to the McD Bros Uranus series. This is the final installment in the series. It's now complete! You can read the whole series in its entirety now! If you can read this entire series in one visit – we recommend you either (1) eat more fiber, or (2) see your doctor as soon as possible!
Welcome to our toilet humor series entitled All Roads Lead to Uranus . . . and Other Great Galactic Movements -- Universal Toilet Humor for the Crapper, a series dedicated to comedy, satire and innuendo. Enjoy!
The Opening of Uranus:
As you can tell from the title, the topic of this series is Uranus. We feel Uranus plays a very large role in our lives and wanted to dedicate a blog series on this all important topic.
The Quest for Uranus:
Our quest for Uranus began when we first saw it. We were amazed and enthralled with Uranus from the beginning. We knew at that first moment that we wanted to explore Uranus, to be one with Uranus. That was the beginning of our journey.
Our first step was to try to examine Uranus from a distance, which is a good idea due to the possible, potential dangers involved with close contact with Uranus. It has been reported that extremely noxious gases are associated with Uranus, and there could be the possibility of contagious life living either on Uranus or somewhere inside Uranus. Our examinations of Uranus unfortunately found that all of these possibilities are true. Uranus, indeed and unfortunately, produces extremely noxious gases and contains dangerous contagions. This resulted in our moving forward with regard to Uranus very cautiously.
The next step was to develop equipment appropriate for exploring Uranus. This device is called the Total Uranus Radial Detector (TURD). Prior to visiting Uranus, the TURD is internally placed within the Gas Giant. The device is retrieved upon exiting. The extreme internal pressure of Uranus will cause the device to immediately exit. We anticipate the TURD will be quickly expelled from the Great Brown Eye of Uranus.
Important to know, Uranus is huge; we often refer to it as a Gas Giant. Yes, Uranus is really huge and very gassy. We have also noticed that there are also a number of rings around Uranus. We have been observing Uranus from afar by use of the Hubble Space Telescope and the Keck Observatory in Hawaii. We also captured some detailed images of Uranus that included what has been called a Great Dark Spot. Although it is referred to as simply “the Dark Spot” we feel it deserves a better name, so we decided to call it “The Great Brown Eye” or “The Great Brown Eye of Uranus.” We are very curious as to what the Brown Eye consists of and feel that it is important that we send a probe into the Brown Eye of Uranus in order to explore it further.
As you can tell we are really excited about Uranus, and we are happy to share our excitement about Uranus. We are also happy that we can in some ways be closely associated with Uranus.
TURD Exiting the Brown Eye of Uranus, see above for more information about TURDs.
Upon retrieving the TURD we will begin examining the device for possible contaminants. In order to protect us, we have developed protective gear to reduce the chance of infection or exposure resulting from contamination. The protective suit is called the Anti Contamination-Radiation Apparel-Protection (CRAP) Suit. The Anti-CRAP Suit should be used any time you are working with a TURD that has been expelled from URANUS. The following photographic images are of one of our researchers wearing the Anti-Crap Suit.
(Note: If you are new to this series or missed a week, you might want to scroll up to the part(s) you've not seen yet :)
Now you too can own your very own Anti-CRAP suit. It is easily constructed and very affordable. We ourselves, due to our extremely limited budget, had to use the materials listed below to construct our suit. For informational purposes to the reader, the following information is provided regarding the materials and tools needed in the making of the Anti-CRAP Suit. You can easily construct your own Anti-CRAP Suit from common household materials. The list below can get you started.
Nomenclature     /     Quantity
Bags, Plastic, Garbage (30-50 gallon)   /   5 each
Tape, Duct     /     1 roll
Scissors    /    1 pair
Bag, Plastic, Freezer (gallon size)    /    5 ea
Tubing, Plastic    /    8-10 feet
Bottle, Soda (optional)    /    2 ea
Rope, Nylon (optional)    /    6 feet
More information about the Anti-CRAP Suit can be found in the book An Explorers Guide to Uranus . There may also be information on the web; just Google Uranus and see what happens. If you would like, we could even google Uranus for you!
Next, we would like to leave you with a few words to live by!
Famous American Quotes
A Penny Saved is a Penny in Uranus.
A penny for Uranus.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of Uranus.
A Bird in the Hand is worth two in Uranus.
Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for Uranus.
His eyes were bigger than Uranus.
Give me Uranus or give me death.
A friend in need is a friend in Uranus.
The only thing we have to fear is Uranus.
A stitch in time saves Uranus.
A fool and Uranus are soon parted.
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and Uranus.
Finally, just a note on how to best use this information. This blog is filled with what can only be termed as Toilet Humor. So, what better use for it than to best pass your time (and other things) while on the toilet. As we say, there’s no better place for Uranus than on the toilet.
This week, we would like to introduce you to our lead researcher, Dr. Uranus. Doctor Uranus (merely an interesting coincidence regarding his name) is currently a research scientist. He has conducted numerous research studies in asstrophysics and has conducted a vast amount of research about Uranus. He is the leading expert in the world on Uranus. In other words, one could say he knows more about Uranus than anyone on earth, including yourself! Any and all questions or concerns about Uranus should be directed to him.
Dr. Uranus and his research team use a variety of instruments in order to view Uranus closely. One of the most important is the Asstroscope, which is a scope specifically designed for viewing Uranus. It has been designed to expressly take measurements of Uranus to determine what is needed in order to colonize Uranus. We have developed a specialized field just for this type of viewing and measurement taking, which we call colon(ize)oscopy.
Using our asstroscope and colon(ize)oscopy techniques, we have begun downloading from Uranus. We download in batches. A batch download from Uranus is called a Uranal dump. Our supercomputers have run contagion scans on various Uranal dumps in scanning for contagions. We are currently waiting for the results, as we are sure that you are also, to find out whether there are or are not major contagions in Uranus.
In addition, this week we would like to provide you with some, what we call, "Keeping Secret Quotes" about Uranus:
What you don’t know, can’t hurt Uranus.
Somebody let the cat out of Uranus.
Loose lips sink Uranus.
Just between you, me, and Uranus.
The following are some "Confusing Quotes":
Can’t make heads or tails of Uranus.
He’s just trying to pull the wool over Uranus.
Appropriate for our current times, we have some quotes on Politics and Power:
Absolute power corrupts Uranus.
You drive a hard (Uranus).
The pen is mightier than Uranus.
I came, I saw, and I conquered Uranus.
Friends, Romans, and countrymen, lend me Uranus.
The best laid plans of mice and Uranus.
The hand that rocks Uranus rules the world.
. . . and here's a quote that's in your DNA:
Blood is thicker than Uranus.
Finally, here are a couple of quotes that Take Aim:
I’m blind in one eye and can’t see out of Uranus.
He couldn’t hit the side of Uranus.
This week, we wanted to let you know about our quest to visit Uranus. In our quest to visit Uranus, our research and development team has developed the Uranal Capsule for the purpose of transporting an asstronaut to Uranus. Upon approaching Uranus, it is designed for full insertion into Uranus.
Uranal Capsule with Researcher
The Uranal Capsule is designed with full facilities for the trek to Uranus.
This week, we have even more quotes about Uranus.
Quotes only a Mother Could Love:
A face only Uranus could love.
Cleanliness is next to Uranus.
Ignorance is Uranus.
Don’t know which side Uranus is buttered on.
That’s as stupid as a screen door on Uranus.
A place for everything and everything in Uranus.
His elevator doesn’t go all the way to Uranus.
Beauty is in the eye of Uranus.
He hasn’t got the sense God gave Uranus.
Dressed up in his Sunday go to meeting Uranus.
Absence makes Uranus grow fonder.
Here's some more to enjoy!
Them’s Fightin’ Quotes
I’m mad enough to chew nails and spit out Uranus.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on Uranus.
I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw Uranus.
Going to jerk a knot in Uranus.
Hell hath no fury like Uranus.
I’m going to knock you into the middle of Uranus.
That is the day we part (Uranus).
Like it or lump Uranus.
. . . and here's a Magical Quote:
I’ll now pull a rabbit out of Uranus.
Finally, here are some "Fruity" Quotes:
Apples don’t fall far from Uranus.
He’s just like an apple rotten to the core of Uranus.
One bad apple doesn’t spoil Uranus.
An apple a day keeps the doctor in Uranus.
Quotes about Uranus:
There are many famous quotes that have been adapted to and for Uranus. Once modified it is amazing how profound they are. Feel free to peruse our quotes and feel free to come up with your own.
Here are a few examples:
As red as (a beet) Uranus.
As ugly as (sin) Uranus.
He was asleep at (the wheel) Uranus.
I am at your beck and (call) Uranus.
He came out smelling like (roses) Uranus.
Now try a few yourself . . . !
Our Uranal Capsule Production Facility is in full swing producing vast numbers of Uranal Capsules. We plan on sending a fleet of Uranal Capsules with volunteer asstronauts in order to fully colonize Uranus. We will be launching from the Port of Uranus. We are currently accepting applications for asstronauts. If you wish to be considered, text “I want to live in Uranus” to someone who cares.
National Asstronomy Project For Asstrophysical Research and Technical Sciences (NAPFARTS) Headquarters
We have found visiting Uranus can be expedited by use of a wormhole. The biggest problem in use of a wormhole is its stability. We have overcome the stability issue by carefully engineering control of the opening, which we call “sphincter control.” Wormholes come in various sizes. We characterize them by letter, such as “A,” “B,” “C,” etc. The largest of all wormholes is known as an “A-hole.” A “P-hole” is the smallest. A wormhole of undetermined size is just known as an “S-hole.” Although we have determined some of them, most throughout the universe are just S-holes.
We have a great number of quotes and sayings about Uranus that you are sure to enjoy. Here they are.
Quotes about Aging:
There may be snow on the roof, but there is still fire in (Uranus).
You can’t teach an old Uranus new tricks.
Ain’t no Uranus like an old Uranus.
With age comes Uranus.
His beard is as white as Uranus.
An ace in Uranus. --or-- He had an ace up Uranus.
He’s so lucky; he always comes up smelling like Uranus.
He’s dealing from the bottom of Uranus.
Ho-ho-ho and a bottle of Uranus.
Quotes of Experience:
Useless as teats on Uranus.
You’re in way over Uranus.
It’s as clear as the nose in Uranus.
All is fair in love and Uranus.
If the shoe fits, wear Uranus.
Where there’s smoke, there’s Uranus.
Silence is (Uranus).
Familiarity breeds Uranus.
All that glitters is not Uranus.
Speak no evil, see no evil, hear no Uranus.
Discretion is the better part of Uranus.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto Uranus.
Cut your nose off to spite Uranus.
Cant’ live with ‘em, and can’t live without Uranus.
Close only counts in Uranus.
You can’t help anyone until you help Uranus.
You can’t judge a book by Uranus.
You have to give before you can get (Uranus).
You have to sow before you can reap (Uranus).
The road to hell is paved with Uranus.
The squeaky wheel gets Uranus.
Variety is the spice of Uranus.
There’s more than one way to skin Uranus.
Pride goeth before Uranus.
Man does not live by Uranus alone.
Spare the rod and spoil Uranus.
Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down Uranus.
Love your neighbor as Uranus.
Smile and the whole world smiles with Uranus.
No need to reinvent Uranus.
Oil and Uranus don’t mix. (sometimes:)
You can get more with honey than you can with Uranus. (sometimes:)
It takes one, to know Uranus.
It’s always darkest before Uranus.
It’s better to be safe than Uranus.
It’s not over until Uranus sings.
It's not whether you win or loose, it's how you play Uranus.
Don’t beat around Uranus.
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of Uranus.
If you don't bend, you are going to break (Uranus).
If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen Uranus.
If you can’t beat them, join Uranus.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's Uranus.
Don’t throw the baby out with Uranus.
Good always wins over Uranus.
Here today, gone Uranus.
Hind sight is Uranus.
Sooner get blood out of (Uranus).
Fact is stranger than Uranus.
You’re still wet behind (Uranus).
The grass is always greener on the other side of Uranus.
It’s going to be a cold day in Uranus when . . . .
I’m stuck between a rock and Uranus.
It’ll all come out in Uranus.
Live by the sword, die by Uranus.
I’ll cross that bridge when I come to Uranus.
Nothing is certain but death and Uranus.
Don’t carry all of your eggs in Uranus.
Up the creek without Uranus.
That’s the way Uranus crumbles.
Just take it with a pinch of (Uranus).
The boss may not always be right, but he’s always Uranus.
The best things in life are (Uranus).
The best things come in (Uranus).
The chance of anything happening today is next to Uranus.
A fate worse than Uranus.
Easy come, easy Uranus.
Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward Uranus.
He fell like a ton of Uranus.
Good Lord willin’ and Uranus don’t rise.
Good luck comes to the man that earns Uranus.
I got up on the wrong side of Uranus this morning.
We’ll never find it. It would be like trying to find a needle in Uranus.
I’m in over Uranus.
He got squashed as flat as Uranus.
All good things come to Uranus.
You just made it by the skin of Uranus.
Hard to hold as a greased Uranus.
It’s almost finished. I can almost see the light at the end of Uranus.
Time sure flies when you’re having Uranus.
Quicker than greased Uranus.
Easy as falling off Uranus.
It’s as easy as falling off Uranus.
It rolls off like water off Uranus.
It’s so easy. It’s a piece of Uranus.
Quotes with a Work Ethic:
Work hard. Keep your nose to Uranus.
He has the world by Uranus.
There’s no rest for (Uranus).
Practice makes Uranus.
A rolling Uranus gathers no moss.
Where there’s a will, there’s Uranus.
Slower than molasses in (Uranus).
Strike while (Uranus) is hot.
Hey, take a load off Uranus.
Woke up bright eyed and bushy Uranus.
Business before Uranus.
That’ll take the wind out of (Uranus).
The early bird catches Uranus.
Actions speak louder than Uranus.
Burning the midnight Uranus.
Don’t bite off more (Uranus) than you can chew.
Faster than greased Uranus.
Foot loose and fancy Uranus.
All work and no play makes Jack Uranus.
Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do in Uranus.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try Uranus.
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent Uranus.
He who hesitates is Uranus.
It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do Uranus.
Give him and inch, and he'll take Uranus.
Grass don’t grow on a rollin’ Uranus.
A job worth doing is worth Uranus.
Rosy Outlook Quotes:
Happiness is a state of Uranus.
Wait with baited Uranus.
You are Uranus’ keeper.
Home is where you hang Uranus.
Snug as a bug in Uranus.
A man’s word is as good as Uranus.
Time heals all Uranus.
You sure are a sight for sore Uranus.
“There’s no place like (Uranus). There’s no place like (Uranus).”
He who laughs last, laughs at Uranus.
Share and share (Uranus).
Seek and you shall find Uranus.
He has a heart as big as all Uranus.
Not So Rosy Outlook Quotes:
I feel like warmed over Uranus.
I don’t trust you as far as I can throw Uranus.
I needed that like I needed a hole in Uranus.
I wouldn’t touch Uranus with a ten foot pole.
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice Uranus.
Company, fish, (and Uranus) stink after three days.
Once bitten, twice Uranus.
Robbing Peter to pay Uranus.
Keep your friends close and Uranus closer.
“There’s something rotten in (Uranus).”
I cried because I had no shoes until I saw Uranus.
Quotes with Animals:
He ran like a bat out of Uranus.
It’s raining cats and Uranus.
Take the bull by Uranus.
When the cat’s away, Uranus will play.
What’s good for the goose is good for Uranus.
Hey, what’s the matter; has the cat got Uranus.
Birds of a feather flock in Uranus.
Don’t look a gift horse in Uranus.
I’m happy as a pig in Uranus.
He has bats in Uranus.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride (Uranus).
Did a bear shit in the woods? Is the Pope Uranus?
As clumsy as a bull in Uranus.
Stupid is as Stupid Uranus
Can’t see the forest for Uranus.
“That’s elementary my dear Uranus.”
I am a simple man with simple Uranus.
Play with matches and you’ll get Uranus.
Hey, wake up and smell (Uranus).
Open mouth, insert Uranus.
He was like a man grasping for Uranus.
If he had a brain, he’d be Uranus.
It just goes in one ear and out Uranus.
Quotes from the Kitchen:
Too many cooks spoil Uranus.
Eat, drink, and be Uranus.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds Uranus.
The way to a man’s heart is through Uranus.
One man's meat is another man's Uranus.
Out of the frying pan into Uranus.
He’s eating us out of house and Uranus!
If you can't stand the heat, get out of Uranus.
Quotes and Money:
Money is the root of (Uranus).
Money burns a hole in Uranus.
Money can’t buy (Uranus).
There’s a pot of gold at the end of (Uranus).
Money doesn’t grow on (Uranus).
Deeper than the deep brown Uranus.
A faint heart never won Uranus.
It went up like a puff of Uranus.
Honest as the day is Uranus.
How now brown Uranus.
I’m going to paint the town Uranus.
I don’t know him from Uranus.
I double dog dare Uranus.
I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and Uranus.
“If that don’t beat Uranus.”
In the twinkling of Uranus.
It’s as clear as the handwriting on Uranus.
Jack of all trades, master of Uranus.
Well, they want ice water in Uranus.
Like two peas in Uranus.
Much ado about (Uranus).
We made it just on a wing and Uranus.
Just once in a blue Uranus.
Out of sight, out of Uranus.
Out with the old, in with Uranus.
Penny wise and Uranus foolish.
The proof’s in (Uranus).
That’s as queer as a three dollar Uranus.
Rode hard and put out to (Uranus).
Squeal like a stuck Uranus.
Step on a crack, break (Uranus).
That sticks out like a sore Uranus.
The cure is worse than (Uranus).
Thicker than fleas on (Uranus).
Throw another log on (Uranus).
Well now, if that don’t beat (Uranus).
X marks Uranus.
You ain’t just whistlin’ (Uranus).
You’re full of piss and (Uranus).
You’re only as good as Uranus.
You just hit the nail on Uranus.
You’re not just a-tootin’ (Uranus).
It ain’t fit for man or Uranus.
Misery loves Uranus.
I’m not just blowing smoke at U(ranus).
“Put that in Uranus and smoke it!”
Poetry Pulled Right out of Uranus:
Because of our love of Uranus, we began developing poetry that revolves around Uranus. Have some fun and develop your own.
Limericks on Uranus:
There once was a man named Shamus
Who came from a land called Uranus
They say man you do smell
He said it’s not me I can tell
They said it’s you so don’t go and blame us.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at Uranus.
May the sun shine warm upon Uranus,
and rains fall soft upon Uranus.
Other Galactic Movements . . .
Ode to the Pay Toilet:
Here I sit all broken hearted
Paid a dime and only farted.
Ode to the Pay Toilet (extended version):
Here I sit all broken hearted
Paid a dime and only farted.
Next time I will take a chance
Save my dime and crap my pants.
A Nod to Crapper:
We owe a great deal of gratitude to an individual that has improved our quality of life more than we can ever imagine, Mr. Thomas Crapper. He was born in Yorkshire, England in 1837. When he was a small child, Crapper apprenticed as a plumber. He spent his life developing and manufacturing sanitary facilities until his death in 1910.
While he didn’t invent the flush toilet, he is credited with improving the design. Many American soldiers in WWI, straight off the farm, were very impressed with the fancy English water closets; many were Thomas Crapper’s product. When we use a facial tissue, we call it by it’s the name brand Kleenex, or many call the vacuum cleaner a Hoover. The American soldiers were truly taken by the British Crapper; it beat the outhouse back on the farm hands down.
Many of us still refer to the toilet as the Crapper. In fact, the word has morphed from a noun to a verb as we go to the bathroom to “crap” or “take a crap.” When Thomas Crapper was working on his designs, I’m sure he had no idea how his work would impact civilization. I hope you will join us in giving a nod to Crapper.
We would like to thank anyone who has the name of Hugh Janus just for having that name:)
We hope you enjoyed the series!
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