What Ever Happened To…?

From time to time we like to go back and see what’s come of our favorites from the past. Our story opens with a visit to a dilapidated trailer park, focusing on one trailer in particular. We see the trailer; it’s on blocks with a slight slant towards the back. There’s a rusty ax stuck into an old tree trunk covered with ivy in front of the neighbor’s trailer. In the yard between the two trailers is, what appears to be, the remains of a gondola from a hot-air balloon; it’s on its side and has seen better days. As we move to the main door of the trailer, we see a wooden heart with the letters S and D intertwined hanging on the trailer, just to the right of the door.

Inside, the trailer is worse than the outside, if that’s possible. In the front end of the trailer is an old lazyboy recliner. It’s about 3 feet from a huge, cube-shaped, big-screen TV. Sitting in the recliner is the Scarecrow. He looks like he’s maybe in his late 70s, bald. The top of his head is smooth fabric with a fringe of straw around it. He’s got an enormous potbelly. He’s looking really rough. He’s got glasses hanging halfway down his nose, trying to read the TV Guide in one hand and clicking a large remote control that’s connected to the TV with a long, black cable.

Over the Scarecrow’s shoulder, sitting at the “kitchen” table that’s covered with empty whisky bottles, is an extremely rough looking, 65-year old Dorothy. She’s wearing a worn, terry-cloth bathrobe, smoking a cigarette. Hanging on the wall between them, a framed photo of a lion. He looks middle-aged, balding, a little fatter, but that’s the Cowardly Lion. There’s no doubt. The frame has a black ribbon hanging across it.

From the middle of the trailer, Dorothy is looking into the front, facing the TV. The TV is a little loud, channels changing, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK . . . news shows, commercials. There’s "The Wizard of Oz." The Wicked Witch says “how about a little fire . . . .” The Scarecrow quickly changes the channel, CLICK. He yells, “How 'bout a bath bitch?”

Dorothy yells, “That’s enough! Why don’t you shut that damn thing off?" The Scarecrow yells back, “Why don’t you just shut your fuckin’ mouth?”

Just then, the door between them swings open and an old, rusty, dented Tin Man makes a Kramer-like entrance. His left hand is missing, a hook in its place. “Gotta use your can!!! Mine’s busted!!!” Dorothy, gesturing with her thumb over her shoulder, “Suuure huuun.”

Scarecrow, over his shoulder, ”Want to warn you, I just dropped a pile.”

Tin Man gives a look of disgust, walks across the trailer and opens the door to the bathroom. He stands in the doorway, scanning the room. The shower is running and steam is rising up above the shower curtain. He says, “What the . . . ?”

Dorothy yells, “Don’t pay any attention to the man behind the shower curtain.”

The Tin Man shrugs his shoulders and walks over to the toilet. He looks in; it’s filled with, what looks like, manure and straw. A look of disgust, he reaches down and flushes the toilet. He looks down at himself, seeing the two long rusty streaks running down the inside of his thighs, from his groin to almost his knees. He lets out a little sigh. As he tries to pee, he grunts a little, rolls his eyes, glancing left, right, up, down. He starts to whistle a little, first with his mouth, then out the top of his head. Ever so slowly and lightly, there’s a little trickling noise. It stops and starts a number of times, sometimes with some, almost uncomfortably, long pauses. He squeaks every once in a while. Finally, he shakes, then jumps up and down a little. There’s a lot of squeaking and banging. Finally he reaches down and flushes the toilet.

The Tin Man walks out into the trailer and stands next to the table near Dorothy. He gives the Scarecrow a look, “Man, you should have lit a match?”

Scarecrow looks back over his shoulder, a little spittle coming out of his mouth as he yells, “Fuck you! Why don’t you go back in there and take a shower you rusty motherfucker.”

Just then, the bathroom door opens. A little person, wrapped in a towel and wearing a tee shirt with an emblem surrounded by "President, Lollipop Guild Local 103," walks across the trailer and walks out the door the Tin Man originally came in to the trailer through. He looks over at Dorothy and says, “Thanks doll.”

Dorothy answers, “No problem sweetie.” After a slight pause, she whispers towards the Tin Man, “Ugh, sweetie, you wouldn’t have a few bucks I could borrow to get my medicine?”

The Tin Man, shaking his head, replies, “I’m so sorry Dorothy. I don’t get my disability 'til the end of the week, but I heard of a new program that lets you get medicine before payday.”

Scarecrow, glancing back over his shoulder, “I bet that program don’t work at the liquor store.”

Dorothy looks at Scarecrow with a look of disgust and yells, “Why don’t you just shut the hell up!”

Tin Man gives Scarecrow a stern look, “Really Scarecrow, nobody wants to hear your shit.”

Scarecrow gets up out of his chair running across the room, “I’m gonna kick your fuckin' ass you overgrown TV dinner!”

TO BE CONTINUED . . . . Look sometime in the future for an update on Whizzers, or on a group you may be interested in finding out what’s happened to them. You could also let us know what you want to hear about.

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